Evolving Identity from Azazel's blog

Evolving Identity

Azazel

 

Identity, Individualism, How? What? When? Why? How does one seek an Identity? What exactly is an Individual? When does one identify themselves as an Individual? and Why does one wish to separate themselves from the "Herd"? Why am I here asking these questions? Well this is the one question I can answer for you the others are ones you can only ask yourself, however I well give you MY answers. I am asking these questions because though I consider myself an Individual; I have a need for social interaction but not only for satisfaction, I feel it helps me evolve, it helps me decide what I want to adopt and what I need to drop from my persona to become the dream that I am reaching to become. The dream that I call Azazel.

 

 How does one seek identity? To me this thought is both simple, yet nightmarish and daunting. One seeks Identity by finding or rather picking that which is important to them and applying it to there practices or persona. In the consumer society we live in, this takes place in the brands we wear and the technology we use, The labels we wear and the dogma we follow. Id like to think that I'm above this but I'm not and in a way we all are victims to our vanity. The black leather boots I wear, the contacts that seem so much more attractive than glasses. I'm the Elegant Egoist; clad in black leathers, preaching free will and the release that chaos brings the soul. Yet even though I appear to be said embodiment, I'm intelligent enough to realize that I am not and this thought tortures me. So how do I confront this problem? I realize I am playing a game and yet I'm willing to lie to myself to make myself feel better about it. Is that ok? Right now as of 11/02/2013 I don’t think it is, but it may be come 11/3 or at the end of this paragraph. Egoism at the very least is what brings me comfort. It is my "crutch" much like the idea/thought of god empowers a Christian, the idea of my happiness justifies my means to it. Right now happiness is the roar of a motorcycle engine, the dark persona I articulate and as of the end of this paragraph I'm content with that.

 

 Now ill ask What is an Individual? To me this is a question that cant be truly answered. By definition an individual is a single human being as distinct from a group, class, or family. But I wonder what the benefits are of purposely separating yourself from those things to become "distinct". Is it ok to not want to be distinct? I'm of the firm belief to each it's own, but my experiences in life have caused me disgust and discomfort thus I feel not only a need but an obligation to be "distinct". Now seeing as this Paragraph isn't as long or interesting as the last ill crunch in the when question. When does one find a reason to become an Individual? To me this is the simplest to answer. When one develops a need or desire(whatever they may be) to separate themselves from a group, a class or their family.

 

 Why Does one want to become an Individual? Because every being on this earth is seeking a way to attain dominance over another or a group of others. Everyone in some way seeks to separate themselves and in doing so they take power over others. When you tell someone they're wrong; your subconsciously telling yourself your way is right, your not just separating yourself, your establishing yourself as being "right" and when you find someone else who is "right" you join in camaraderie to crush your mutual threat. Is that wrong? Individuality is all subjective hence the definition, to be an individual is to be the embodiment of the term "subjective".

 

 As of this point I've proof read and now my thoughts have mellowed, but my final thought is on the value of my experiences. Do they really matter? I'm currently watching V for Vendetta the part where V describes how his hatred consumed him and how Evee cries that she cant feel anything anymore… Pain and Evolution have brought my need to be "distinct" does that seem poetic to you my dear reader? and would you see me as weak for wishing that I had the chance to be "like everybody else"? That part of me wanted to be mundane? Either way I'm not and I never well be, so I well become the identity I call Azazel and in doing so I find satisfaction, which makes everything alright in my book.


Previous post     
     Blog home

The Wall

Ghostly1
Nov 3 '13
It is hard to be an individual, being completely devoid of any other characteristics of another person in the world. We are after all pink on the inside regardless of color, and put out shoes on one foot at a time.

Even identifying as a Satanist, which forces a person to seek personal goals, and selfish desires just having the label shows a kind of identity. We are all different in our beliefs and our practices yet wear the same label. We are all human, we all eat, sleep, shit and procreate.

Being one of the species doesn't mean you have to abandon all semblance of humanity in a spiteful effort to be different. Originality has a factor in making someone stand out from others. Creativity has always been a trait of the individual.

I am a complex mix of everyone I have known in my life. It is common for us to take what we like about someone else, and add it to our own personality but with a twist. If something just works better wouldn't it foolish to pass that up because you fear being a copycat. We all walk the same way(for the most part) save those who feel a limp makes them look cooler. or they wear their pants past their ass cheeks.

Even from the start you are the product of your mother and father, for better or worse you are half of them. Much of what you do and say will come from their effect on you as you grow. It is only when you start to feel yourself as an independent mind, wanting to make your own choices do you start to develop your own ideals and morals. Personal experience plays a huge role in the type of person you become. Even being a victim, can change you.... how you let it affect you though is for you to decide.

How you see yourself in the mirror should be a little easier to explain. For me it was simple, I grew up poor. I never had designer clothing, or fancy shoes. SO maybe in that regard falling into the trap of fashion was a choice already made for me. But even to this day I do not buy fancy clothing because I learned it is more practical to have clothes that fit, and function in the way I need them to. I wear expensive boots, waterproof and comfortable like sneakers. But this is not for fashion, as they are waterproof and since I am outdoors all day it was a need. For me form should follow function. If both coincide however then you are much luckier. I drive a 4 cylinder Honda. It uses less fuel than other cars or trucks, always starts and holds it value. This car was the most pragmatic choice I could make. The only caveat which I avoided was it came in my color and yours. Black. That was chance. Caring what other people think of you is slave conformity. Wanting to look good is simple vanity, and its all aesthetics. Personal pride isn't a crime.
It is hard to be an individual, being completely devoid of any other characteristics of another person in the world. We are after all pink on the inside regardless of color, and put out shoes on one f...See more
Melissa
Nov 3 '13
I think we each also carry our/the "world" and "others" within, and though opposing or focusing on a specific characteristic might be useful for developing the ego (or for exploring a specific aspect of a collective etc), it usually, over time, tends to leave unresolved areas - "parts of the world and others" that would point to unoriginality from the corner of our minds.
Maybe following a certain amount of living one can come to some sort of "stand", and move on to individuality, but anything genuinely "other" prior to this? Hmm, dunno...
I think we each also carry our/the "world" and "others" within, and though opposing or focusing on a specific characteristic might be useful for developing the ego (or for explorin...See more
Azazel
Nov 3 '13
Thank you both for taking the time to comment. I really like the points you made ghostly, it set a nice train of thought to wake up to. I believe my points and the ones you made should be taken into consideration by those that so bluntly say they are an individual and are so quick to throw the terms "sheep" and "mundane" around. I have an old jap bike as well, those old four cylinders are damn near bulletproof.Thank you both for taking the time to comment. I really like the points you made ghostly, it set a nice train of thought to wake up to. I believe my points and the ones you made should be taken into c...See more
You need to sign in to comment

Post

By Azazel
Added Nov 2 '13

Tags

Rate

Your rate:
Total: 5 (1 rates)

Archives

Issue Reporting

Report any issues to satanhimself@circleofdescent.com. He may, or may not, get back to you in a timely manner.