Azazel's blog

Evolving Identity



Identity, Individualism, How? What? When? Why? How does one seek an Identity? What exactly is an Individual? When does one identify themselves as an Individual? and Why does one wish to separate themselves from the "Herd"? Why am I here asking these questions? Well this is the one question I can answer for you the others are ones you can only ask yourself, however I well give you MY answers. I am asking these questions because though I consider myself an Individual; I have a need for social interaction but not only for satisfaction, I feel it helps me evolve, it helps me decide what I want to adopt and what I need to drop from my persona to become the dream that I am reaching to become. The dream that I call Azazel.


 How does one seek identity? To me this thought is both simple, yet nightmarish and daunting. One seeks Identity by finding or rather picking that which is important to them and applying it to there practices or persona. In the consumer society we live in, this takes place in the brands we wear and the technology we use, The labels we wear and the dogma we follow. Id like to think that I'm above this but I'm not and in a way we all are victims to our vanity. The black leather boots I wear, the contacts that seem so much more attractive than glasses. I'm the Elegant Egoist; clad in black leathers, preaching free will and the release that chaos brings the soul. Yet even though I appear to be said embodiment, I'm intelligent enough to realize that I am not and this thought tortures me. So how do I confront this problem? I realize I am playing a game and yet I'm willing to lie to myself to make myself feel better about it. Is that ok? Right now as of 11/02/2013 I don’t think it is, but it may be come 11/3 or at the end of this paragraph. Egoism at the very least is what brings me comfort. It is my "crutch" much like the idea/thought of god empowers a Christian, the idea of my happiness justifies my means to it. Right now happiness is the roar of a motorcycle engine, the dark persona I articulate and as of the end of this paragraph I'm content with that.


 Now ill ask What is an Individual? To me this is a question that cant be truly answered. By definition an individual is a single human being as distinct from a group, class, or family. But I wonder what the benefits are of purposely separating yourself from those things to become "distinct". Is it ok to not want to be distinct? I'm of the firm belief to each it's own, but my experiences in life have caused me disgust and discomfort thus I feel not only a need but an obligation to be "distinct". Now seeing as this Paragraph isn't as long or interesting as the last ill crunch in the when question. When does one find a reason to become an Individual? To me this is the simplest to answer. When one develops a need or desire(whatever they may be) to separate themselves from a group, a class or their family.


 Why Does one want to become an Individual? Because every being on this earth is seeking a way to attain dominance over another or a group of others. Everyone in some way seeks to separate themselves and in doing so they take power over others. When you tell someone they're wrong; your subconsciously telling yourself your way is right, your not just separating yourself, your establishing yourself as being "right" and when you find someone else who is "right" you join in camaraderie to crush your mutual threat. Is that wrong? Individuality is all subjective hence the definition, to be an individual is to be the embodiment of the term "subjective".


 As of this point I've proof read and now my thoughts have mellowed, but my final thought is on the value of my experiences. Do they really matter? I'm currently watching V for Vendetta the part where V describes how his hatred consumed him and how Evee cries that she cant feel anything anymore… Pain and Evolution have brought my need to be "distinct" does that seem poetic to you my dear reader? and would you see me as weak for wishing that I had the chance to be "like everybody else"? That part of me wanted to be mundane? Either way I'm not and I never well be, so I well become the identity I call Azazel and in doing so I find satisfaction, which makes everything alright in my book.

The Second Horseman



  "When the Lamb opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature say, "Come and see!" Then another horse came out a fiery red one. Its rider was given power to take peace from the earth and to make men slay each other. To him was given a large sword."

-Revelations 6:3-4


 Conflict to me is the ultimate representation of free will, to be at peace with someone is to either be in camaraderie or compliance and it is often simple to mistake the two. Here we have the playing field to be intellectual adversaries and yet maintain a sense of camaraderie. The camaraderie comes from the intellect group that sites like this attract; Satanist, Nihilist, Atheist, Agnostic, Egoist, Anarchist, < all these and other "labels" have been placed on our heads either by ourselves and others, the problem with such labels is that they limit the range of conflict that can occur. In some ways our labels are related  therefore we have similar thoughts on varying subjects and a little bit in common with each other; we find resonance and in one way or another we lose a sense of our individuality when we gather like this, not just on this site but on any site that has a theme. When does resonance become a bad thing? and is it a bad thing? Is a true Individual to be solitary? or does the Individual have more value when it has the strength to remain itself among others?


  On might is right, how does one define might? Asserting yourself as an Individual requires more than a keen and educated mind, it requires a dash of stubbornness and in some cases the brawn to back yourself up. Many times have I found myself standing apart from a man who has run out of things to say, and when a man runs out of things to say he does one of two things 1. He lets his fists do the talking or 2. He submits to your will. And before I get my ass torn out by a select few Amazonians due to the heavy masculine tone to this blog, if woman have one blessing it’s the lack of testosterone that makes us men angry brutish guerillas. Now back to my train of rambling chaotic thoughts…


  On conflict with authority, this is what frustrates me the most in my life. I cant be myself because I have authorities above me that have the brawn and numbers to mold me to some extent. For example, I was talking with my father about taking my bike out to the drag strip next summer because I'm a bit of a speed junkie. Now in order to race any bike that can perform at a certain level, you have to spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars for specific gear and parts to be allowed on the strip. Now of course I could say fuck the strip and race the roads but if I reach "felony speed" and get caught I can lose my bike and the right to ride it. Another example; I'm hungry and broke right now, however there's some nice tasty deer outside. It'd be a simple task to shoot and field dress one so I can eat for the next week but I cant, pouching charges in NY can cause me to lose my right to bare arms plus a several thousand dollar fine so I'm forced by the powers that be to work a 7-4 job so I can eat and get shelter. Why cant I just wander into the woods and drop a house somewhere? Because of zoning laws, taxes, regulations hell I cant even opt to shit in an outhouse in NY because having a leech field and plumbing is required for your residence to pass any sort of health laws. I can go on and on and on but I'm going to stop on that tangent and open my thoughts to those of others.

A Drink With Zarathustra



 My god bashing blog, definitely have an obligation to write one of these being on a Satanic site and all. Anyway I'm currently digging into Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" which I've been finding quite amusing so far. For those of you who haven't read it Zarathustra is like the atheistic Jesus, burying men who've died in the pursuit of danger because doing for such a thing with nothing to show for it after word is honorable. He encounters a man of faith, and doesn’t want to take from him all he has, so he refuses to tell him "God is Dead". I'm about 55 pages in with a few hundred more to go and I'm enjoying the read.


  Ok so the bashing, faith? what is faith? faith is confidence. I find little confidence in putting confidence into others, going back to the old slogan if you want something done right its best to do it yourself. So why would I put confidence in a magical bearded man who I've never met? I put confidence into Santa Clause as a child, but I am now a man I've out grown such illusions and it is such with the idea of "God". But than again, I am with Zarathustra; I wouldn’t tell my 10 year old sister Santa doesn’t exist so long as I get credit for the tablet she's getting for Christmas. So why would I take from a man what he has? what works for him? Is a man of god scared or just hopeful? I have trouble bashing someone for either of those qualities. I to hope to go to a heaven where I can fuck the chick from Hanzel und Gretyl(it’s a band I like) on the back of a Yamaha V-max in some starry autumn wasteland… but wait… I can do that in my head!!! if there is one thing ADD has given me its my very active imagination.


  As for fear, fear is natural selections tool for survival. Every human being strives for their "ideal situation" which is what makes heaven so appealing on an instinctual level. Now the FIRES OF HELL!!! don’t intimidate me; I rather like fire, I've lit myself on fire, I've danced in/on/around it and I've drunkenly(sometimes soberly) lit things on fire. So hell is going to have to be scarier than that to get me to kneel to anything. The point of hell however is not the fear of fire, but the fear of pain. Pain is not something to be feared but something you can adapt to. Now not every individual has the spleen to "adapt" when its so much easier to accept or avoid, I've lived much to difficult a life to accept that kind of weakness in my persona but others have not. I believe that which makes an individual a "sheep" or a "mundane" is the lack of natural selections impact on their lives. If one lives their life in comfort they have not found a NEED or DESIRE to adapt.


  So now we've stumbled upon my reasoning's for not being a Satanist, a Satanist is an adversary and the Satanist has an obligation by the various codes set forth to appose said sheep. Personally I find no interest in bashing sheep over the head with a club, I mean initially the BAAAAHHHS of terror and the nice wool apparel id acquire would be nice, but id eventually run out of satisfaction or storage space for wool  thus defeating the purpose of the action. I am an egoist, a man who is on a quest to reduce authorities hold on my individuality and to evolve all the while, which switches my priorities for conflict. To quote Tywin Lannister(realistically George RR Martin), "A lion need not concern itself, with the whims of sheep" As such I have no concern on a individual scale.


  HOWEVER, concern is noted when it comes to the way laws are made based on a moral consensus thousands of years old. On this scale I am faced with the weakness of Individuality in comparison of the herd, ever see the movie Black Sheep? If not watch it and you'll understand how dangerous sheep can be in a herd and possibly laugh all the while. How does one stand against the herd though? If you attack the herd you tend to either get trampled or ignored, so my solution is to lead by example. I join sites like this and post content like this with the hopes that you my dear reader well see me and develop a desire to evolve in YOUR own way, that my thoughts may plant seeds of evolution, or perhaps understanding. Finally ill close with a toast to Mr Zerathustra, ill drink in your name and the name of your god Nietzsche.

Heart of Fire, Body of Clay and I AM AZAZEL



So hi guys I'm Azazel, I'm an Egoist an Anarchist and as of next week a full time Dept manager at Walmart working 7-4… What the second part didn’t get you hard? Ok well I'm a member of a recognized outlaw motorcycle club, were family oriented and we do a lot of charity work. We actually raised 3 grand in a cancer benefit for one of our members!!! oh wait I just killed your boner didn’t I? well junior, everyone thinks they're a bonified badass but let me lay a bit of first hand reality on you.


 Now with my disposition one would think id rather have my eyes sanded out than to work for a corporation like Walmart, but hey $10.50 an hour, 70 hours paid vacation and a steady schedule isn't so hard to argue with, I mean c'mon I have WEEKENDS OFF!!! So I cope, I'm comfortable with my situation even though my dreams are full of pyrotechnics and glorious chaos I cope. Why do I cope when my mind is so out there from your every day individual? because if I gave in to my whims id be beaten to submission and thrown in a cage(if I wasn’t tazed and shot first). We live in a society that has an order to it, I am an individual hiding from the ever searching eye of order. Of course I slip up here and there, openly saying how id like to drive an axe into some assholes skull just because their an asshole and then the person I'm conversing with well ever so quietly recommend to use a lead pipe. Brings me comfort that I'm not the only wolf playing sheep, sure my superiors say I'm harsh, opinionated and most of all eccentric but I'm still welcome into the fold.


 As for the MC I get to be more like me there, they don’t care that I'm crazy, hell they support it. I talk about fighting and instead of being criticized I get pointers on how best to fuck a guys day up. On the road were a pack of 20-30 bikes in formation and people move out of our way, everywhere else were family. Hell just a week ago one of them walked into Walmart gave me a bro hug and a hand shake and loudly exclaimed HOWYA DOING BROTHER!!!! much to my co workers bewilderment. We have the guise of bad asses and outlaws; but truth is were the nicest people you'll meet, we make a note to wave to kids on bicycles and to do runs for charity. our quota is 1.Family 2.Work 3.The MC


 Well you made it this far into my blog so now were at the part your looking for, THE POINT!! Though I have less than average tastes I make it work with my environment. In my mind I have a responsibility to be myself, it has to do with my code of honor. I'm trying to stay real and true to myself, yet I need to survive and not only survive but succeed. So how do I live? I put on a mask and uniform and at 4:01pm weekdays/all day weekends the mask comes off. I become the leather clad hell raiser that make me, well me. Max Stirner said we are spirits possessing our bodies and we are consciously and subconsciously molding the body to fit the spirit and how as an Egoist we must be wary of the higher essences whether they be God, Man or Country that would mold us to their aims. 

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