Praise as Manipulation | Forum

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AnnaCzereda Jan 9 '14
There are various methods of manipulation. The most pleasant one is... flattery.

You're so beautiful. You look like an angel.

You're a true genius!

You're special. You're so great!

and so on...

Excessive compliments are always suspicious but it's not always easy to tell whether a person praising you has a hidden agenda. And who doesn't like being praised?

Praise as Manipulation: 6 Reasons to Question Compliments

Have you ever been in a situation where someone tried to take advantage of you by flattering you? How do you deal with such people? Have you ever tried to manipulate or even seduce someone using flattery? And last, can you tell a difference between sincere compliments and insincere ones?


SIN_JONES Jan 9 '14
Nith Jan 9 '14

Flattery manipulation is one of the most annoying versions for me. I see it much like sarcasm where it is well known but most couldn't do it well if their life was at stake. I also tend not to use it much as it is one of the more transparent manipulations. One of the biggest let downs when people use flattery is when they go over the top too quick as it is not something you can race.

As for me, well my defences go up the moment I am flattered in any way. I have a could of people I know who try it often and I just reply “Get tot the point, state what you want”. Reverse manipulation while being flattered can be fun but often it ends up dealing with an unstable person using a tools set that works well on them. When they think you are playing their game they will invest a fair bit of time in you.

UserX Jan 12 '14
Flattery is an Art and Science. As with arts such as painting or drawing, most people who try to paint shit, suck at it; so too is it with the art of flattery. It's not the everyday average people who flatter you that you should fear or be suspicious of: it's the Masters of the Art, who are few.

Mr. Greene's book "Mastery" gives you an idea of what "mastery" in an art or trade or skill means. It takes the human brain at least 10,000 hours of repeatedly doing something to pick up the skill and understand how to work with the skill. "Apprenticeship" (in practical terms) lasts anywhere between 5-7 years. This is because it takes 5-7 years of preforming the skill to gain significant levels of competency.

"Journeyman" period lasts around 3-5 years of application of skill, art, or trade. This is the period when the persons takes what they have learned to get real end results. This is the period of trial and error, and learning from such trial and error. Only after this crucial "journeyman" period, can any person be considered a "master" of anything.

Ex-KGB guy Yuri Bezmenov once said long ago,"You can't subvert those who do not want to be subverted." So when a 'subverter' from the Soviet Union is planted in America to plant seeds of Communist ideology, they would look for social groups, or for people who would be the most receptive to certain ideas. For instance American workers who are under appreciated, disgruntled about how their employer treats them, feels they aren't getting paid enough. For this group of disgruntled workers, ideas/memes sch as, "Corporations (re: Capitalists) have too much power, and the employee deserves some rights and say in the work place," might catch and spread. That idea itself is not "communistic," but it helps re-orient a target group of people so that their views are more congruent to communist views.

Flattery works the same way. You can't flatter those who do not want to be flattered. Thing is, people who want to be flattered don't say it, but they display their want in signs, via suggestive behaviour, and so on.

Flattery, if it is to work, must be given under at least two conditions: (1) in the condition of Need & (2) in the condition of Timing. So for example:

Let's say I'm a long time user here, and I people watch. One day a new user joins CoD. So I watch this new user. This new user begins to try to fit in by making posts here and there. I see that the new user is backing up (with his posts) other users here who are generally liked, and I see this new user express some aggression at users here who might not be liked in general.

Based on the new users behaviour, I figure out that his actions, deed, statements, and bahaviour, is rooted in what's called a "Hidden Need." Hidden Needs are all needs we each need, but would never say we seek such needs. Hidden Needs are Maslow's Pyramid (hierarchy) of Needs. This new user's Hidden Need he is trying to actualize is "Belonging/Love/Acceptance." This is the 'condition of need'.

Once I know his root Hidden Need I know exactly what type of things to say to this new user to "flatter" him. Timing is knowing when to say it: when he is most receptive.

When people are out seeking to actualize one of their maslowian needs, and they fail, they will predictable retreat down one rung of maslow's hierarchy of need. For example if a guy is trying to get a date (love/acceptance/sex/belonging) and he fails and is emotionally wounded he will retreat to the rung just beneath that which is "safety/security/wellbeing." If a person fails to actualize their "esteem/status/respect" need, they will predictable retreat down one rung to the Belonging, Acceptance rung of the pyramid. This is Timing.

The right timing for when the new user is most receptive is when he feels insecure in himself, where people seem to reject him and hos posts. The time when he seems to be deciding on retreating down a rung.

That's when I would come in, and either in a public post or in a PM, I would say something like: "I like many of your posts, a lot of good points, you remind me of some of the guys here."

The second half of my statement: "You remind me of some of the guys here," helps him feel like he belongs here since there are other guys like him here. This statement is pegged to his inner Hidden Need of belonging or being accepted. The first half of the statement is a subtle flattery.

The more "social creds" I have here, the more effective this will be. And the converse: the less social capital you have in any social order, the more your flattery will backfire.

For example, two scenarios:

1) You are working your job, and a boss or the owner of the company comes by, notices your work and says to you: "Hey, great job Jimmy!"

2) You are working your job, and a random nobody employee comes by, notices your work and says to you: "Hey, great job Jimmy!"

In which scenario would most people feel offended or upset by? The same things were said in both scenarios. But chances are (in real life) that the second scenarios would produce more negative feelings.

All this said, most people can tell (in their gut) a genuine compliment from a fake one. And, I'll admit: nothing is more pleasing than getting a genuine/sincere compliment from someone you respect or admire.  
XiaoGui17 Jul 31 '17

Quote from CanisMachina4
I also find such accolades to be cheap substitute for financial compensation (bonuses). 

Given how cheap it is, it should be given freely and accepted with salt. 

Ironic to me that one of the first zombie threads raised was a Czereda thread. 

The neg or strip line always struck me as more effective than outright flattery. It's less obvious what is being done. 

The Forum post is edited by XiaoGui17 Jul 31 '17
FemaleSatan Jul 31 '17
My current manager is not a big praise person, she will always tell you the bad before the good. Corporate wants her to do otherwise so you always get these hilarious "good job team" speeches during rushes and such. 

I personally am a disgustingly good employee. I work, I smile, I never lose my cool, everyone always loves me in the workplace. I always follow the rules laid down. It's like a character I invent to get through my workday. I tend to get praise and financial compensation for it but I don't do it for that. I don't do it for the company I always find myself loathing the corporate structure I work for. I am a perfectionist and I want to be the best at everything. I take pride in what I do, whatever that is. 

Work isn't my life, it's what I do to have a life and money. 

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